To Those Making Playlists For Your Wedding;
Dear people picking out tracks to play for their special day;
Congrats and whatnot on making the leap, trying the knot, locking the shackles, jumping the broom, etc. etc. I’m hoping that you’re happy about this, and that your giving things the proper amount of consideration yada yada yada…
Here is the deal, when it comes to songs to play at the reception and such I wouldn’t just hit shuffle and go with it. And here is are some things to keep in mind.
1. No sex songs. We get it. You’re married, your honeymoon it tonight, what goes on behind close doors it your business. But you know, you don’t have to play songs that refer to doing the horizontal hokey pokey or naughty bits in general. Come on know, you mind find them….stimulating for your ears…..but there’s family there and such. Even though your parents may know you haven’t been dancing with your clothes on, they can no longer be in denial about it the next day. Let them have a few more hours of illusions. Plus, playing those types of tunes only makes everyone think about it, and about what’s going down later, and do you want a room fool of people thinking that way? And then there’s the fact that you probably won’t just be putting yourself in the mood, you’re enabling others to get hot and bothered in an already romantic (hopefully romantic) environment. With alcohol. And that means dirty dancing, a full coat room, things you wish you could forget seeing, and people you can’t look in the eyes anymore. Just say no kiddies, just say no.
2. No breakup/heartbreak songs. I don’t know why you should be thinking about playing songs about no good cheaters at your wedding. Hello, you are happy to marry the person you’re marrying…right? If you’re still pining for your ex, you probably shouldn’t be saying “I do”. I don’t care how pretty the melody is, of if it’s your favorite song, it’s kinda not cool to play these sad songs at your wedding. It sends the wrong message to say you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, and then dance to “Almost Lover”. It won’t mean you love the sad song any less if you don’t play it on the happiest day of your life. Trust me. And on another note. There’s bound to be single and heartbroken people at your wedding already wallowing in your joy, do you need to give them a soundtrack? Give them a perky, hopeful love song and toss the bouquet in their direction.
3. Sex, drugs, rock and roll….and white chiffon? Now let me say I love my rock and roll, and if you’ve got a family that digs the crowd surfing then move on to number 4. It’s just not the best place to break out the screamo, mild rock is chill but your guests are probably not dressed to mosh. Anything that could double as a soundtrack to an action and or horror film is most likely not the kind of vibe you want to create. I love some “Diamonds Aren’t Forever” but my grandparents don’t. I know, it’s not their wedding it’s yours, but as long as you are inviting family to this event you’re gonna have to hear them talk about it for the rest of your life. Think about it.
4. The electric slide, the bunny hop, the cha cha slide,the chicken dance, etc… Now this one is just a pet peeve of mine, and I know some people love them and think these group, instructional, line dance type thingys and super fun and whatever. Just hear me out. Believe it or not, not everyone likes to dance. Not everyone wants to dance to these things. But it seems that when there particular types of songs are played those who get their jollies by doing them seem to think EVERYONE NEEDS TO PARTICIPATE. If people treated it like a voluntary thing, it wouldn’t be so annoying. But because the instructions are in the songs, it’s mandatory to dance to them. Lemme tell you, if you’re a newbie to the dance, the instructions for the most part don’t mean jack. They’re not all that simple. And it’s messy. But whatever, if it’s your thing go for it. Just leave the wallflowers out of it please. If only they were as easy as the “Time Warp”, alas…. I say it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie then to release the hounds on those who aren’t feeling “electric”.
So to wrap up this letter, put a good variety in there to make everyone happy while still considering yourself and your day. Music is important to set a tone to the occasion, so just keep in mind the tone you wanna set. You can do whatever you want on your day, no one except the person you’re marrying can really tell you different, but it’s always nice to take things into consideration. Get married, get your groove on, and don’t get offended at the embarrassing toasts.Oh yeah, and the music might be too loud if the speakers have blown…just saying.
threecheersifyougetpasttheidoswithoutandidont;
Laney Bugs.
P.S. George and Nina were the shit on the last episode of Being Human, I mean, taking on some S&M vamps with a potted plant and a golf club. Badass.
